The Beatle business

December 8th, 2010 by Michael
The Fab Four

The Fab Four

On the anniversary of John Lennon’s death, I’m remembering how many people thought John was the leader of The Beatles, while Paul did 80% of the work.

The Beatles was a strange little business entity that only lasted for about ten years.   The company turned a pretty good profit and customers seemed to enjoy its products and services. The company had four managing partners; four distinct and disparate personalities.

John was the poet of the group, the relater.  He wore spectacles and liked to write.  He composed songs with titles like Imagine and In My Life.  You’d have to be a relater to write songs with those titles.  He cultivated a personal creed:  Give peace a chance (also a pretty cool song).

George Harrison was the thinker of the group. He was the first of the four to travel to India to study transcendental meditation with the Maharishi. A quiet personality by comparison, George learned how to play a sophisticated stringed instrument called the sitar. He eventually released a slew of solo albums, choosing to call one of them, All Things Must Pass.

Paul McCartney was the director type personality. Paul was the leader of the group almost since its inception, which surprises a lot of people because he was the “cute” one and because John was often the spokesperson.

Efficiency and productivity are very important to directors, so Paul often took charge in the studio.  He even took over the other Beatles’ instruments on occasion. Paul knew what he wanted and was extremely dedicated to making it happen.

In some ways, rampant productivity is therapeutic to directors like Paul. When John was assassinated on December 8, 1980, the media wanted Paul’s reaction, but they couldn’t find him until the next day. The reporters shoved a microphone in his face as he was on his way . . . to the recording studio.

When his longtime wife died, Paul worked through the grieving process his own way – - by recording a collection of tunes and dedicating the package to his recently deceased Linda.

Finally, Ringo Starr was the socializer of the group. He’s had his share of problems with addiction. Ringo sang lyrics for the band like “don’t pass me by” and “we all live in a yellow submarine.”

Around 1967, the Beatles were under deadline on a major project.  They had yet to achieve consensus on basic decisions such as the new product’s packaging and their producer George Martin, was growing frustrated.

After weeks of trying to get the lads to work it out, Martin finally said, “Bullocks to this!” and made the cover of the album white.  And that’s how we got The White Album.

The album won all kinds of awards for creativity.

R.I.P., John Lennon.

Who is your favorite Beatle and why?

-Michael, www.MichaelAngeloCaruso.com

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Dying online—losing “friends” on Facebook

December 4th, 2010 by Michael
Dan Drotar with Michael Angelo Caruso

Dan Drotar and Michael Angelo Caruso

My friend, Dan Drotar, died on Facebook in November of 2010.

Dan had hundreds of friends, people he had met during his career and throughout his rock star social life.

And during his three-year illness, thanks to Facebook, Dan became friends with people he never met.  The sicker he became, the more people wanted to be his online friend.

The hundreds of Facebook users who “friended” Dan during the last months of his life were missing at least part of the narrative that might explain how so many people came to care about a man they would never know.

At age 52, Dan Drotar retired from a 30-year career in the automotive industry.  He was single and ready to start a second career or maybe just enjoy life.  It seemed like only a few months later, Dan noticed a pesky lump in his neck that was eventually diagnosed as Stage 4 squamous cell carcinoma, the second most common type of skin cancer.

Stage 4 is pretty serious; there is no Stage 5.  Dan’s condition was immediately termed “inoperable.”

After a few days of keeping the issue to himself, Dan began to post health-related status updates in addition to the Zelig-type reports he had always shared.  It’s not surprising that Dan’s list of Facebook friends started to grow.  What’s unusual is how these virtual friends became so interested in his life—and ultimately, his death.

Photo by Dan Drotar

Photo by Dan Drotar

Before being diagnosed, Dan made the social scene as a photographer, live music lover, art aficionado, and general man about town.  Upon learning of the cancer and announcing it online, he continued doing all the remarkable things that made up his Zelig-like existence.

Simply put, the illness helped Dan Drotar draw a crowd—and the new virtual audience was hanging on every post.

Many of Dan’s “real” friends lived vicariously through him—the interesting people he met, the memorable things he did, and the exciting places he went.  But thanks to Facebook, people all over the world were participating in Dan’s life.  And he dug it.

Dan maintained dialog with hundreds of his Facebook friends.  He posted on people’s pages, sent private messages, tagged photographs, clicked “Like” a lot, and of course, gave several status updates each day.   Dan programmed his iPhone to give an audible signal whenever a Facebook post came in.

During the last year of his life, Dan traveled to a half-dozen countries, deejayed dozens of local events, photographed everyone from Michigan Governor Jennifer Granholm to the rock band KISS.  He made appearances at every important local music event, including his own 8-band tribute in Wyandotte, Michigan last November.

As the illness progressed, Dan’s posts became more entertaining and helpful.  He often posted an “Album of the Day” featuring videos of the individual songs that he liked.


The bucket list trip

Dan Drotar, Michael Angelo Caruso & Duane Scherer in Copenhagen

Dan Drotar, Michael Angelo Caruso & Duane Scherer in Copenhagen

In October of 2010, I had the pleasure and the privilege of going to Scandinavia with Dan and our good friend, Duane Scherer.  It was our third overseas trip together and Dan, a world traveler, had never been to this area of the world.

Dan’s health was failing.  He had completed intense radiation treatment and three rounds of chemo, but the cancer was gaining on him.  He had already survived three years with the disease and the cold, hard “inoperable” prognosis was coming true.

But, visiting Scandinavia was on his bucket list and he really wanted to go.  I don’t know how he did it, but the man got out of bed every day of our trip to take in the sites.  He walked and walked as we toured Copenhagen, Stockholm, and Oslo, taking photographs and enjoying each others’ company.  (As of this writing, the photos from our trip are still on his Facebook page.)

Duane and I often walked behind Dan; his pace was slow but steady.  I remember thinking that Dan was afraid to stop moving.  Maybe he didn’t want to leave Scandinavia because he knew he would be coming home to die.

On October 25, 2010, Duane and I brought Dan Drotar home in a wheel chair.  To paraphrase George Bernard Shaw, the man was thoroughly used up:

“I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work the more I live. I rejoice in life for its own sake. Life is no ‘brief candle’ for me. It is a sort of splendid torch which I have got hold of for the moment, and I want to make it burn as brightly as possible before handing it on to future generations.” – A Splendid Torch, by George Bernard Shaw.


Facebook—A splendid torch

After radiation in 2008

After radiation in 2008

The cancer was closing in.  After arriving home from Scandinavia, Dan had to limit his activity, but he started posting more frequently to Facebook, so it was difficult for online friends to gauge how bad off he was.  Dan rarely complained or even commented about his illness.  As always, his status updates tended to be social rather than personal.

But his Facebook friends were starting to figure things out.  Anyone could tell from the messages on Dan’s Wall that things had taken a turn for the worse.  The end was near and Dan was dying on online.  Even more people wanted to be his friend.

The song titles he posted seemed of a more reflective nature and full of deep meaning.  He posted heartbreaking titles such as Peter Gabriel and Kate Bush’s Don’t Give Up, Hayward and Lodge’s Remember Me, My Friend, Tony Banks’ From the Undertow, and then The Cure’s To Wish Impossible Things.

Dan’s friends posted music for him, too.  They left clickable links to songs such as Barbra Streisand’s With One More Look at You and K.D. Laing’s version of Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah.

Dan took to logging off in the evening with the phrase, “Goodnight, my friends.”

“Goodnight, my friends”

Cyber friends were posting kind, impassioned messages on Dan’s Wall that at first mentioned “prayers” and then referenced “peace.”

Toward the end, Dan was only posting once or twice a day.  When there was no sign off in the evening, people left urgent inquiries the next morning.

In a touching tribute, Dan’s closest friends replaced their profile pictures with shots of them and him, a futuristic combination of emotional and electronic support.

One of Dan Drotar’s final Facebook posts reminded someone—all of us—to “be nice.”

Finally, there was nothing.

Dan’s Facebook Wall was as active as ever, but everyone was posting to it except Dan.  Soon, a trusted friend used Dan’s username and password to formally announce Dan’s passing and give details of the upcoming service.  This prompted another flurry of posts from Dan’s online friends.  Sympathy.  Sadness. Disbelief.

The news of Dan’s passing on November 29, 2010 read:  “Just received word…. that our Dear friend Dan is at peace.  He left us early this morning….God Bless him.  Love you brother.”

Later that week, Facebook friends were able to read Dan’s obituary as an odd, final status update:

Sign at the funeral home

Sign at the funeral home

DROTAR, DANIEL of Wyandotte. We are sad to announce the passing of Dan on November 28, 2010. He was the son of Fred and Addie; brother to Tom and Bill; and sister, Mary; father to Danielle; and grandfather to Matt, Shane and Destiny.

Dan left behind many friends including his long time girlfriend, Adele. He enjoyed world travel, photography, music and a passion for technology. Dan was kind and considerate, a great friend, and a lover of life. He will be sadly missed by us all.  Memorial Visitation Wednesday 4 to 9 p.m. at  . . .

A “goodbye call” was announced on Dan’s Facebook page.  People could call in to a conference call bridge line to listen to a short tribute to our friend and offer their own story or anecdote.  People who couldn’t attend the live call accessed the playback recording.  Many who listened to the 30-minute call had never met Dan Drotar.


The final posts

When the death became official, people were posting non-stop.  (Posts have been edited for length and continuity.)

Steve Crouse: I never got the opportunity to actually meet Dan, but considered him a dear friend.  We seemed to have music as the common denominator, and I loved most of his choices and opinions. I could tell by the number of friends and all of the kind thoughts that he was “a well respected man about town.” I know that he is moving on into a better world and will be greatly missed here.

Debbie Williams Nash: I actually never got to meet Dan either, but considered him a great FB friend. Heaven does have a new angel. My thoughts and prayers are with all his many, many friends and family. I will miss you, Dan!

Lesa Huffmaster-Craig: God bless you Dan. My prayers are with your very large “family” of loved ones. Wish you could send us pics of your newest journey.  Perhaps you can whisper in our ears a few of the wonders from time to time.

Steve Brown: I feel sad.  Yet, Dan remains a positive force.  It is wonderful watching the love of this—our—community continue to flourish.  That is the tribute that we continue in his honor.  It’s a privilege to be part of it and I am grateful.

Jan Jeffrey Rubinstein: I’m thinking about you, my friend.  Strangely, though, I think you’ll still manage to check fb…

Martha Murray: RIP Dan, The Lord Said Come Home Dan Your Home Is Ready ! My Love & Prayers Go Out To All His Family & Friends . There Is One Less Bright Light Shining Today, But Thankful For Everyday God Blessed Us With Your Beautiful Spirit. Go Be At Peace.  I Will Miss Your Daily Postings ! God Speed Dan

Dave Caruso: Handsome, nice, creative, good at everything… We were so lucky to have had Dan in our lives.

Art Neely: RIP Dan-you will be remembered as one of the greatest guys I ever known!!!

Shannon Ireland: To laugh often and much;
to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others;
to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch
or a redeemed social condition;
to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Paula Drotar-Flood: I cannot even breathe from the pain. I love you my friend and cousin.

Andi Gagne Woggon: Today I looked into the sky and it was beautiful. I then realized it’s because you are there. You fly with the angels now, but part of you will always be with us.  Rest In Peace Dan.

Phillip Schmehl: There are some people that when they pass, you realize just how lucky you’ve been to know them… Dan made everyone feel like a millionaire.

Terri Marusak Priest: I never had the pleasure of meeting you in person. These tears I cry are for those that did.

Mike Holder: Though I never met Dan personally, but I have heard nothing but wonderful things about him from his many friends.  He has touched so many lives in such positive ways. The love is incredible…as unconditional love should be. This love is rare in this world, and Dan has been one of those rarities that God blesses us with in this world. God’s peace, Dan as you blaze that trail into the glorious beauty that awaits you on the other side. Heaven is a long hello.

Stacy Wootten Lynch: ‎”Let me feel once more the arms of love surround me, Telling me the danger’s past, I need not fear the icy blast again.” – Undertow by Tony Banks as quoted by Dan Drotar

Jim Bauer: Dan asked me one day….”Do you think there is any good music in heaven?” I told him I believe the music is the most awesome, flawless music and we will all be gifted with untold musical abilities to worship. He then said…”But, do you think I can bring my music with me?”

Don Stiffler: The ultimate gig has started, DJ-ing for the Lord !! R.I.P.

Stephenia Krzemien: Thought it was ironic: on this day in 2001, George Harrison lost his battle with lung cancer. Maybe they’re jammin together right now? :)

Nancy Mistretta-Werle: I am so sorry to hear of Dan’s passing. I only met him once, but I know he touched many, many lives…I listened to the recording and realized that the older I get, the more I think about life and all I have to do while I am here!

Danielle Marie Suttles: Dad, today was a experience to say the least.  Your great friends overwhelmed me with love and support…You know the saying goes that the more friends you have on facebook the less you have in real life, but you proved them wrong on that one! What a great group of people you surrounded yourself with… Love You…


Facebook friends–better than “real” friends?

Dan Drotar

Dan Drotar

Dan Drotar wasn’t famous.  How could so many people care about someone they had never met?

Donna Rockwell, PsyD, is associate faculty member at the Michigan School of Professional Psychology, and a clinical psychologist in Royal Oak, Michigan.

“Human beings naturally crave a sense of belonging,” says Dr. Rockwell.  “In person and through the Internet, we are able to feel the intensity of connection that fulfills this basic human need.  The online experience can and often does offer the capacity for considerable emotional intimacy in what can be an otherwise lonely world.”

Many people believe that Facebook friends aren’t as authentic or as “real” friends, but maybe in some ways, Facebook friends are better than real friends.

Facebook and other social networking sites are an opportunity for an expanded network of like-minded people to feel a sense of belonging through shared information, video clips and even music.  A simple status update can be a type of virtual hug and any type of hug can be extremely beneficial, especially if you are, well . . . dying.

Of course, no one would want to do without real friends and real hugs.  The point is that all of us can have both.

And thanks to Facebook, Dan made hundreds of more friends, people who were somehow touched by this man and better for it.

Dan Drotar’s Facebook Wall continued to populate for days after his passing, raising even more questions about what happens when someone dies on Facebook.  Can Facebook friends compare to “real” friends?  How can you care about someone you’ve never met?  Why does a superficial modality such as social media create such deep and dramatic impressions?  Can you miss someone you’ve never met?  Feel free to post your comments below.


About the author

Michael Angelo Caruso knew Dan Drotar for 15 years.  He was a personal friend, as well as a Facebook friend.

Mr. Caruso, a communication consultant and President of Edison House, has delivered over 2,000 presentations and keynote speeches on the subjects of pro-active communication and Internet marketing.  He has spoken in Africa, the Middle East, the Caribbean and 49 of the 50 states.

Michael has written extensively about social media, including Facebook.  He has also published an audio book on legacy titled, Dear Michael Angelo—A Father’s Life Lessons to His Son.

Mr. Caruso is a long-time member of Rotary and resides in Royal Oak, Michigan, the most unique small town in America.

He welcomes both real and online friends at Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter and YouTube.

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5 cool ideas for dealing with critics

November 26th, 2010 by Michael

From www.MichaelAngleoCaruso.com

Opening for the New Kids on the Block in the late 80s

Opening for the New Kids on the Block in the late 80s

When I was young, I toured the country in a rock band.  Although our band was popular, we endured the wrath of critics.  It seems that everyone has an opinion on music so I experienced critics in that worked in the media, critics in our audiences and even critics in my neighborhood.  As a professional speaker and published author, critics are still in my life.  Here are 5 Cool Ideas for dealing with critics

1.  Patterned criticism can be more valuable than isolated criticism. Isolated diatribes may contain useful information, but consider it an education when the same types of criticism arrive from different sources.  One episode of criticism in February may not be as important as seven episodes in the first quarter.

2.  Consider the source of the critique. The word “critique” sounds refined and polite.  Yet the process of self-discovery can be painful, especially if you have help.  Who is “helping” you?  Consider the source of the critique.  Is the person educated or intelligent with a background on the pertinent issues?   Is it a person with an agenda?  Is it someone who, in his or her way is trying to help or is the criticism meant to me damaging and discouraging?

It may be helpful to think about who is not criticizing you.  For example, your boss may be offering criticism but your customers love you.  Do you even know who the critic is?

3.  Anonymous critics only seem more threatening. Anonymous critics sometimes have more vitriol and less etiquette, perhaps because the person thinks he or she will never have to face you.  You will be tempted to spend inordinate amounts of time identifying the source of such comments.

4.  Confrontation is your friend. If you know who your critic is, you can confront them on the issue.  Too often, however, you will be trying to change the person’s opinion about you or your work.  This can be a fruitless endeavor.  It may be a better exercise to confront yourself.  Try re-calibrating your ego and sensitivity before trying to change someone’s mind.  Besides, it is not a realistic goal to please everyone.

Even the most successful people have detractors.  Sometimes, the more successful you are, the more detractors you have.

5.  Of course, no one can hurt you. For more information, see my booklet, Hmmm . . . Little Ideas With BIG Results.  One of the ideas is that if you are good person who does good things that no one can hurt you.  The worst gossip about you cannot do you harm if you lead a good life.  No one can undo your deeds with their words.

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5 ways your profile pic can ruin Facebook efforts

November 24th, 2010 by Michael
My avatar

Caruso avatar

Your profile photo is an important piece of real estate on your Facebook page.

It helps people figure out who you are, whether they like you, and even whether they’ve got the right person.

Fool around with your avatar at your own risk, people.

Here are five ways your profile picture can ruin your Facebook image, along with some suggested best practices.

Cheesy

Cheesy

1.  Mirror, mirror on the wall. Posing for yourself as you take a photo makes it seem like you don’t have any friends.

Learn how to use your camera timer and fool us all into thinking you’re popular.  Better yet, invest in a tripod and download some free software to crop and brighten your pics.

Guys, knock off posing shirtless in front of their bathroom mirrors.  Ladies, stop pursing your lips like you’re either depressed or on the make.

Er, you've changed

Er, you've changed

2.  Ruh roh–is that Rover in your Facebook pic? Substituting an inanimate object (or pet or baby or mask) as your profile photo may be cute, but it’s not you.

The first step toward getting people to like and trust you is to not present a fake image, a temptation that seems irresistible when it comes to choosing an avatar on Facebook.

A photo of your pooch is as deceptive as giving a fake name or wearing a band on the ring finger of your left hand if you’re not married.

Try to be more comfortable with yourself.  Your physical image isn’t all that bad.  Don’t be embarrassed to post it.  After all, we have to look at you all the time.

Oops!

Oops!

3.  Really?  A beer bong? A couple of party pictures in which you’re holding a glass of wine or a beer are fine, but a cavalcade of pics that show you imbibing will not put you in the best light.

Think really hard and I’ll bet you can find a way to appear fun without being photographed with a beer bong or beer bottle.  One great tip is to always remember to set the beverage down before the photo is snapped.

I often  hide the drink behind the person I’m posing with.  Hope nobody shoots us from behind!

Aaw . . .bffs, but which one is you?

Aaw . . .bffs, but which one is you?

4.  Group think cause group shots. Yeah, we get it — you have lots of friends and are very popular.

But it’s hard to tell which one is you when a group pic is proffered as a profile photo.

It can also make you look like you have trouble being separated from your BFF.

Be your own person, especially in your profile pic.

Create a photo album of you and your best buddy and load it up with all your favorite images.

We don't care anymore

We don't care anymore

5.  Holiday or wedding pics … months after the event.   Sure, your wedding was amazing — way back in July.  It’s really nice that you got married, but remember that your wedding is say, a million times more important to you than it is to your Facebook buds.

Leaving up a portrait of you in full bridal garb for several months wears us out.

Move on already.  We are no longer happy for you–at least not as happy as we were when it happened.


About the author

Michael Angelo Caruso has been teaching social media marketing for a long time.  He writes about it and offers training events both in person and online.  Find him on Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin, and YouTube.  His Facebook avatar doesn’t break any of the five rules.

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5 cool ideas for being more credible

November 23rd, 2010 by Michael

From www.MichaelAngeloCaruso.com

Being more credible means you will be more persuasive.  You’ll be more influential in getting people to do what you want them to do.  This will be helpful if you are in sales, management or if you are the parent of a teenager.  Here are 5 Cool Ideas on how to be more credible.

1.  Read and listen to good information. Carry a professional development book with you for three weeks.  You don’t have to read the book, just be seen with it.  People will almost instantly find you more credible.  I actually read the books I carry.  Every year, I process over 30 books, reading 15 and listening to 25 audio books.  Recent titles include Good to Great (good is the enemy of great) and Theodore Rex–think you can learn something from the youngest man ever to be President of the United States?

2.  Publish a book or an article. Imagine your level of credibility if you’ve written the book that people carry.  John F. Kennedy, the youngest American ever elected President, established credibility as a successful author.  His book, Why England Slept, was a best-seller and helped convince voters that the young man was experienced enough to hold the nation’s highest office.

Teddy Roosevelt authored several books prior to becoming the youngest American President at age 42.  Being published authors increased Kennedy’s and Roosevelt’s credibility and being published can increase yours, too.  Begin your publishing career by sending a letter to the editor of your local newspaper.  It’s fun and addicting to see your name in print.  Write a 500-word essay on something work-related and send it to the top five trade publications in your industry.

3.  Speak out. Listen a good amount of the time, but never miss an opportunity to present good information in informal situations.

4.  Be your own advertising company. Fly your flag to the top of the pole.  People are more likely to believe in you when they know you believe in yourself.  Use your voice mail messages, e-mail signature files and elevator speech to gently remind people of your value as a dependable source of quality information.

5.  Network with people who will help spread the word. There’s only one thing better than being able to personally impress people and that’s having others attest to your credibility.  Keep helping people and people will keep singing your praises.

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